I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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