Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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