I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
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He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
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No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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