she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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