you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
my sisters under your porch take her home
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
