My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize