Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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