were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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