the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
