We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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