he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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