My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
bring money and cleavage
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Randomize
