put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
