Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
