Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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