do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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