the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
