I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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