Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Randomize
