i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
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Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
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Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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