I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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