She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
