By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
