twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
