Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
