I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Randomize
