Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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