i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
