Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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