She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
