My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
