why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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