Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
