My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
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downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize