Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Duck Duck Cougar?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
