i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
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I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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