A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
