I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
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Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
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Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
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And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
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