This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
