I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize
