I hate your face
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
