well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
