his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
