So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
