Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
