i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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