I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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