I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
