If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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