Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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