I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
