She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
