great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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