He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Randomize
