you would pick up someone in the library
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
