You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
