I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
50% drunk capacity currently
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You've changed since you got that strap on
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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