My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
where am i from again
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
