I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
