I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize