Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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