Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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