I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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