me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
3 2 1 whiskey
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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