Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
