When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
