dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
