Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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